Navigating Emotions: The Power of Feeling Your Feelings

Recently, in a trial session with a client, she asked, “What is your perspective on feeling your feelings?”. I thought this was a particularly insightful question, as I consider experiencing your emotions in therapy to be crucial for emotional healing and self-awareness. It means permitting yourself to completely embrace your emotions—without judgment, suppression, or rationalization. This process is vital for building a deeper connection with oneself and enhancing emotional resilience.

When an individual seeks therapy, they often ask for strategies, techniques and tools to add to their personal toolkit, believing these are crucial for solving problems and "fixing" issues. I understand this firsthand because five years ago, when I began personal therapy, this was precisely what I expected. I wanted to control my emotions rather than experience them. However, as both a therapist and a client, I have learned that my desires did not align with my true needs. Strategies and toolkits have their place in therapy but I now understand that feeling my emotions offers something far more valuable than just strategy: It creates a nurturing environment where the mind can thrive, allowing a new space to develop between experiencing an emotion rather than the impulse to immediately dismiss or strategise it.

We're not often encouraged to fully experience our emotions or to sit with discomfort; instead, we're usually taught how to avoid them, fix them or shut them down. In therapy, emotions can be more easily experienced through a meaningful, ongoing therapeutic relationship. During a session, a client's subtle movement or sigh might, when given attention, reveal a fascinating flow of memories and associations that expose hidden pain, love, and heart-wrenching self-beliefs. These beliefs, often formed consiociusly or subconsciously in childhood, continue to limit individuals throughout their lives. Once these intricate dynamics are uncovered and understood, and the trapped feelings are expressed, the door to any emotional prison can open. Alongside pain, anger, and longing, a variety of beautifully simple things become possible.

 The point of therapy is to bring people into relationship with their feeling, so they don't identify with the feeling. Our job is to help them recognise an emotion as something that is arising in them but it isn't them. – Gabor Maté

 In this space, you can build the ability to endure what once seemed intolerable – granting you time to feel, think, and respond with intention, rather than being controlled by your reactions. You can gain clarity about what you want and need, as engaging with your emotions can illuminate your true desires and priorities, aiding informed decisions aligned with your authentic self. Reflecting on feelings uncovers goals and motivations, while emotional release provides relief, akin to shedding a heavy burden. This process enhances mental clarity and a fresh perspective.

Embracing emotions fosters a stronger, integrated self, encouraging acceptance of vulnerabilities and strengths.

A striking declaration resonates on a brick wall, conveying intense emotions with the phrase "THIS FEELS SO REAL."

What It Means to Feel Your Feelings in Therapy

1. Acknowledgment Instead of Avoidance Many individuals have been conditioned, either through cultural norms, family dynamics or personal experiences, to push down emotions such as sadness, anger, shame, or even joy. In a therapeutic setting, you’re encouraged to notice and name these feelings, rather than distract yourself from them or minimize their significance. This acknowledgment is the first step in reclaiming your emotional landscape, allowing you to confront what you’ve been avoiding.

   
   

2. Staying Present With Discomfort Therapists often guide you to sit with difficult emotions instead of rushing to fix or rationalize them. This approach can be uncomfortable, as it forces you to confront feelings that may have been buried for a long time. However, this practice leads to deeper awareness and healing, as it allows you to process emotions fully instead of letting them fester beneath the surface.

   
   

3. Connecting Emotion to Experience Through therapy, you may begin to recognize how certain feelings are intricately tied to past experiences, unmet needs, or protective patterns you’ve developed over the years. This understanding helps build compassion for yourself, as you realize that your emotional responses are often rooted in legitimate experiences rather than arbitrary reactions. By connecting emotions to their origins, you can start to reshape your narrative and foster a sense of empowerment.

   
   

4. Learning Emotional Literacy For many, identifying and articulating emotions can be a challenge. Therapy can help you expand your emotional vocabulary—moving beyond just "fine" or "stressed" to more specific words like "lonely," "resentful," or "grateful." This enhanced emotional literacy allows for more nuanced self-expression and better communication with others, fostering healthier relationships and deeper connections.

   
   

5. Regulating, Not Suppressing Feeling your emotions doesn’t mean being overwhelmed by them. A therapist will help you stay regulated—able to experience and explore feelings without losing your sense of safety or control. This balance is crucial, as it allows you to engage with your emotions in a constructive manner, leading to growth rather than chaos.